A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 6)


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Lately, Mandy has been made feel guilty, as if she has done everything wrong for the last five days due to  her mother’s negative attitude toward her each day. Dolly has been bringing in more stuff or junk, but refuses to go through she already has piled up in kitchen and liven room. She has bought Christmas supplies in that she bought and too many tables, both small and large! This type of behavior from Dolly has really frustrated Mandy and her husband Kyle, because Dolly just tells them to “shut up and leave her alone”, whenever they say anything about the amount of junk she brings in.

Unfortunately, now Mandy or Kyle are dealing with moving more of her stuff, in order to find certain dishes that they may need or to reach the dining room table. However, they cannot sit at the same table together: due to her stuff surrounding it, being on top of it, and being underneath it. They need a new or better stove, because it only has one burner working. Recently, Dolly gets angry or mad over the simplest things like: moving her boxes, throwing her trash away, and just generally cleaning up the kitchen.

Honestly, it is the frustrating to have limited access to dishes and other things that we may need while one of us is cooking. Just this week, she has brought home over fifty different items, which she got through Lola. Mandy’s best friend is Lola, so she has talked to Lola about not giving her any more stuff to bring home. However, Dolly goes down to Lola’s to beg for something she is going to put in yard sale, so she feels sorry for Dolly and gives in to her wants.

Nevertheless, Mandy’s best friend Lola hasn’t been around much, so Mandy has been feeling alone and stuck in a place that she doesn’t want to be. Thankfully, Lola helps Mandy get her mind off of the negative stuff and helps her focus on the positive things that she has in her life. For example, Mandy just stays in her room and tries to ignore her mother’s constant yelling by watching TV, as well as playing with her two dogs, listening to e-books, and writing.

Unfortunately, every day there is an argument over clothing, food, and anything else that Dolly feels belongs to her. So far, Mandy has pleaded with her mother to stop the yelling and constant screaming, but day after day it continues for whatever reason when Dolly gets in a nasty mood. Mandy just tries to ignore the arguing and fighting about stupid stuff, since she can get more clothes and she can get her own food.

Additionally, she feels berated and belittled by her own mother, which is hard to stomach sometimes and hard to handle mentally as well. Therefore, Mandy began seeking help through a psychiatrist and a counselor, which has helped. Especially, one she began taking mood stabilizers and anxiety medications, but her mom will always be a trigger for Mandy. She doesn’t want be disrespectful to her mother Dolly, but in many ways Mandy has became the parent and Dolly has became the spoiled child.

The role reversal has given Mandy things to think about, but what others suggest just will not work on her mother right now. She is defiant, greedy, and can be very nasty at times when she doesn’t get her way. Unfortunately, Dolly will do things behind everyone’s back and by the time we find out about it, it is usually too late to take back. Mandy prays that one day, she can teach her mother the right way to love somebody. Instead of what she was taught, which is to buy things for those you love as a form of showing that person love. Changes can be difficult, yet with God’s help, patience, long-suffering, and faith can change anyone.

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 5)


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“Here do you want this?” Dolly snidely asked.

 

“What is it?” Mandy answered inquisitively.

 

Mandy instantly knew that her mother was in a bad mood today, but she was surprised when she saw the little black box she was holding. She took the little black box that her mother had given her and she took it with her to the kitchen. She slowly opened the box and was immediately stunned when she seen the beautiful necklace.

 

Mandy was puzzled by this gesture of kindness, despite her ill mood she was displaying at the time that Dolly gave her the gift.  She pulled the necklace out of the black box and put it on in front of the bathroom mirror. Mandy loved the necklace but, she wasn’t sure why her mother was in such an ill mood. Mandy headed back to her room, while wading her way around Dolly endless boxes of clothing and miscellaneous papers.

 

As Mandy walked by she said. “Thank you!”

 

“You’re welcome” Dolly grumpily stated.

 

About thirty minutes later, Mandy came out of her room, in order to help her mother go through more boxes. However, Dolly’s had changed drastically and she was very angry, but Mandy couldn’t figure out why she was so mad. Mandy try to ignore her attitude and continue working on getting her clothes separated.

Suddenly, Dolly starts screaming at Mandy to leave her stuff alone, so Mandy decided to go to her room and watch a movie.

 

Mandy was feeling cold, but she has no warm shirts and she asked her mom if she could use one of her winter shirts. Dolly got angry and began ranting and raving about how Mandy needed to get her own clothes. However, Mandy got upset because she had lots of her own clothes when she moved in with her mother. Four year now, she has begged Dolly to go through her clothes and see if any of Mandy’s clothes are packed up with her clothes.

 

Unfortunately, Dolly refuses to go to her clothes and swears that none of Mandy’s clothes has gotten mixed up with her. Mandy’s mom has two closets full of clothes, as well as many boxes and baskets that are filled with clothing. Some of these clothes have not been touched in years, because they don’t fit her anymore. Currently, she is trying to get another closet built, in order to hold more of her clothes that she doesn’t want to get rid of.

 

Mandy believes that her mother should go through her clothes and keep what fits her, while letting the other clothes go to the local Goodwill. HoweverDolly will not part with her clothes and she doesn’t really like sharing them with Mandy either. Right now, Mandy feels overwhelmed by the amount of boxes that are cluttering up her mother’s room and the kitchen. She prays that her mother will seek help for her problem with hoarding and with her depression.

 

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

 

 

 

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 4)


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This morning, when Mandy woke up, she found her mother passed out in her wheelchair with a large box of papers in front of her. She tried squeezing by Dolly without waking her up, but she was unable to make it around her wheelchair and the boxes that she has stacked up next to one of her dressers and medical cabinet. Mandy gently woke her up and Dolly seemed startled at first, but then she began going through the box once again. She begged her mom to lie down and get some rest, because she had been up all night going through the boxes.

Mandy went to the kitchen and noticed that there was as many boxes, as there was where she went to bed the night before. She felt pleased that her mother had taken the initiative to go through the boxes and start getting rid of things that she didn’t need. However, later on that day, Mandy found out that her mother had just consolidated the stuff into the different boxes. Finally, Mandy, asked Dolly if she could help her go through some more boxes and eliminate the need for so many boxes.

“No, I will do it myself. You will just throw my stuff away.” Dolly barked at Mandy.

“I promise that I will not throw any of your stuff away, without your permission.” Mandy replied.

Mandy knew that no matter what she does, her mother will always be a hoarder and the more she tries to organize Dolly’s life. The more resistance and negativity she receives from her mother, but Mandy is determined to somehow change circumstances that she has been dealt. Her grandparents were hoarders, just as her mother and her brother is a hoarder. Dolly is against having a yard sell or giving her stuff away to an organization that can use it to help other under families.

Currently, Dolly has three dressers full of clothing and boxes stacked about 5 foot high in some places, yet Mandy is proud that she has taken a time to finally eliminate many of the boxes that once filled up a whole room. At last count, she has about 30 more boxes to go through and then Mandy is hoping to talk her into going to her clothes. This way, she can live comfortably in the living room, instead of having the move boxes around constantly. Mandy’s mother has a lot of nice things, yet they are all stored in boxes and no one can see the beautiful pieces that she has collected over the years.

Mandy is thrilled that her mother has stayed on task and has gotten rid of many of the boxes that filled up the entire kitchen, as well as the living room. She doesn’t have that far to go, yet she still has a lot of boxes to go through still and Mandy will help her whenever she needs it. Maybe one day soon, Dolly will have her bedroom set up nicely and hopefully she will not have any more boxes full of papers are clothing. Honestly, Mandy’s mother has taken a big step in changing her life from a hoarder to someone who can show off her unique collections.

She has a long way to go still, because she needs to go through her many bags and purses, and order to find the best one for her to carry each day. Dolly also needs to gather her clothes and decide whether she wants some are not, so we can donate or sell the ones that she doesn’t want. At this point, Mandy is amazed at the progress that her mother has made, since we started this project six days ago. However, she wishes she could help her mother go through her stuff and finally get done with this daunting project.

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 3)


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“Here do you want this?” Dolly snidely asked.

“What is it?” Mandy answered inquisitively.

Mandy instantly knew that her mother was in a bad mood today, but she was surprised when she saw the little black box she was holding. She took the little black box that her mother had given her and she took it with her to the kitchen. She slowly opened the box and was immediately stunned when she seen the beautiful necklace.

Mandy was puzzled by this gesture of kindness, despite her ill mood she was displaying at the time that Dolly gave her the gift. She pulled the necklace out of the black box and put it on in front of the bathroom mirror. Mandy loved the necklace but, she wasn’t sure why her mother was in such an ill mood. Mandy headed back to her room, while wading her way around Dolly endless boxes of clothing and miscellaneous papers.

As Mandy walked by she said. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome” Dolly grumpily stated.

About thirty minutes later, Mandy came out of her room, in order to help her mother go through more boxes. However, Dolly’s had changed drastically and she was very angry, but Mandy couldn’t figure out why she was so mad. Mandy try to ignore her attitude and continue working on getting her clothes separated. Suddenly, Dolly starts screaming at Mandy to leave her stuff alone, so Mandy decided to go to her room and watch a movie.

Mandy was feeling cold, but she has no warm shirts and she asked her mom if she could use one of her winter shirts. Dolly got angry and began ranting and raving about how Mandy needed to get her own clothes. However, Mandy got upset because she had lots of her own clothes when she moved in with her mother. Four year now, she has begged Dolly to go through her clothes and see if any of Mandy’s clothes are packed up with her clothes.

Unfortunately, Dolly refuses to go to her clothes and swears that none of Mandy’s clothes has gotten mixed up with her. Mandy’s mom has two closets full of clothes, as well as many boxes and baskets that are filled with clothing. Some of these clothes have not been touched in years, because they don’t fit her anymore. Currently, she is trying to get another closet built, in order to hold more of her clothes that she doesn’t want to get rid of.

Mandy believes that her mother should go through her clothes and keep what fits her, while letting the other clothes go to the local Goodwill. However, Dolly will not part with her clothes and she doesn’t really like sharing them with Mandy either. Right now, Mandy feels overwhelmed by the amount of boxes that are cluttering up her mother’s room and the kitchen. She prays that her mother will seek help for her problem with hoarding and with her depression.

 

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

 

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding


hoarding“Living with a hoarder or someone who piles stuff in boxes, can affect your whole life and can be very overwhelming for someone with your physiological conditions.” Doctor Tater stated right before their counseling session was over

 

“I know, but at this time I cannot move out or away from the home, because of my mother. She is in a wheelchair. Over last four years, I have discovered that she cannot live alone and she has no one else to depend on. My mother is very gullible and someone would hurt her in some way or another.” Mandy stated in despair. Mandy loved her mom, she gets tired of the constant arguing between her and her mother.

 

“We will need to work on your triggers or things the make you angry with her, so you can learn to tune her out. I am giving you several medications, which you are to take at breakfast and before bed. You can start them immediately, but I want to see you back in two weeks.”

 

Whenever Dolly begins to argue with Mandy, generally Mandy will be the first to walk away and try to get her mind on something else. She will read a book, listen to audio books, write something on the computer, listen to music, or watch TV. Lately, Mandy has been helping her mother Molly, move her boxes around, so she can go through them and get rid of more junk.

 

Well, just recently Mandy found out that her mother hasn’t been sleeping well, which makes her very grumpy toward Mandy every day. Kyle is Mandy’s husband and he is the only person besides Mandy, who will help Dolly with things she wants done. However, if Kyle fixes something like a wall, Dolly’s wheelchair puts holes all in it.

 

Mandy and Kyle gave up everything they owned, in order to come save the house from the City of Jacksonville, Florida. Now, Mandy finds herself daily wondering, why she came back to save the house and keep her mother in it. She knows that her mother is going to hoard stuff, but Mandy cannot stand tripping over her mother’s stuff.

 

To put it plain and simple, Dolly has probably over fifty or more boxes stack up full of a bunch of stuff the needs to be thrown away. However, Kyle and Mandy have slowly cleaned out each room with her boxes in it and made it rooms that they can all use. Now, Dolly has moved to a living room and her boxes, what with her, so far as she is made of dent in cleaning the boxes out.

 

Mandy and Kyle believes that she is an unappreciative, dictator, bully, and very disrespectful to them. Furthermore, Mandy will always love her mother, but she prays everyday that her mother will have a better her attitude toward her. Therefore, maybe kindness and love from Mandy and Kyle, Dolly will grow out of what she’s learned from her own parents and she will learn to de-clutter her own life.

 

 

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

 

 

Time Changes Yet Things Remain The Same


My son and I spending the day together.

Randa and Zack My son and I spending the day together.

Recently, my life has been changing in many ways that have made me assess my own life. A few of my best friends have moved to other states, which made me a little sad at first. However, we have technology like Facebook and cell-phones to keep in touch. Then, my daughter graduated from high school and has an apartment in a nearby city. She lives with one of her best friends, whom I love like my own daughter.

She has landed her first job and is now looking into getting her own transportation, which makes me so proud of her. She has been dating her boyfriend for over a year now. He is a Christian and I love him, as his is my own son. They have both made a vow to wait until they are married before having sex. I am so proud of them both!

Next, another change came knocking, my son moved to North Dakota with his father and his step-mother to start a whole new adventure in his life at almost 15 years-old. Well, at first, I took these changes pretty hard!

Now, I am embracing them in a positive way, instead of being negative. I am spending time every week with my daughter and her roommate. Additionally, I am dog-sitting their sweet puppies, until they can come up with their pet deposit they need and falling in love at the same time.

I talk to my son multiple times a day, texting, and picture messaging each other. So, I have learned that even though we live in different states or cities, we can still keep our relationships alive and growing stronger.

Changes are a part of life as a friend or a parent, but thanks to technology we can stay close to those we love and share our lives. Honestly, I am excited to see what this new chapter of my life will hold! Maybe now, I can finish my book and get published or land a job in the business communications field.

Only God knows what doors will open for me and what friends will walk beside me next. He also knows my relationships will grow in the future and how my life will change further. Currently, I am happy that my husband and I have more quality time together, since things have changed..