Change is Hard, But it is Necessary!


I do not own the copyright for this image.

By, Crystal S. Kauffman

Many times in your life, you will need to evaluate the people who are in your life and their actual value to your life. You will need to ask yourself some important questions about their true character, before you hang out with them for even a moment.Remember, cut ties with any family and friends who are absolutely toxic to your recovery. However, some people are dangerous to your head and you need to know who they are.

These type of people will literally drain every ounce your joy and happiness, because they refuse to get help for their own mental issues. These people tend to be negative and mean, especially when you have good news Unfortunately, they will make you feel like you cannot do nothing right, because they will say negative things about you to your face. The disrespect is constant and tiresome, but you try to overlook these negative qualities because you love them.

Honestly, the pain of letting go, actually hurts less than to stay and endure this type of mental abuse from anyone around you. You may think you need someone, but you don’t need to be bullied in today’s modern society. Honestly, there is cell phone applications for all that you may need: from shopping for groceries, buying restaurant dinners or fast food, clothes, household items, delivery, and rides as needed.

Never allow someone to talk to you that way and always look out for yourself, because no person will ever love you like you love yourself, Don’t give a negative person a single second of your time, because you will end up letting their words enter your head. Don’t spend a second too long, wondering what is wrong with you because of the things these type of people say to you. Truth is, there is nothing wrong with you, they just don’t respect or value you as a person,

So, with that said, identify these people immediately and stop allowing them to enter your life in any type of way. Ask yourself about how a person makes you feel, whenever they talk to you or when they are hanging with you? Only keep the positive people around you, because you will find encouragement and wisdom from them. Now, take inventory of your loved ones today and change the narrative of your story from a negative to positive.

Copyrighted 2019

Build A Life That You Love


By, Crystal S. Kauffman

Changing your life can be extremely difficult with the many different temptations around you. Most of the time, you are far away from the temptation, but sometimes it can be right in your face. This temptation can actually be in the form of a person, who just happened to dropped by to visit you after months or years of not communicating.

Right then, you must decide how you will handle this blast from your past. Will you choose the easy way out, which is to give into temptation? However, you could also visit for a few moments and then politely excuse yourself from the nerve racking situation. Only, you can choose what you will do when you face certain daily temptations.

Be sure to keep your support system on speed dial, because giving in to temptation is not worth the amount of guilt that you will face after your relapse. Stay completely away from circumstances and situations that will challenge your strength, while adding new things that completely inspire you. Start by creating a life that makes it easier for you to remain sober, because you are doing things that you enjoy despite the degree of temptation.

Copyrighted by, 2019

Hobbies Are Vital…


“Learning Yoga” Copyright 2019, Crystal S. Kauffman

By, Crystal S. Kauffman

There are other things to do to take your mind off things. You need to find people who enjoy the same hobbies that you do. However, you could also learn new obvious that your new friends like.

There are things like fishing, boating, bowling, mudding, racing, horseback riding, and so much more. Look for new things to do, instead of sitting at home and staying stuck inside your own head.

You can find things that do not include other people or a lot of money. However, you may find something that may interest you need to take time to explore new things you and your friends that you have made since you turned your life around.

Never allow anyone to make you feel like there is nothing to do now that you are sober and in recovery. A new life has just begun for you and you should explore new hobbies and friends who live a clean life.

You can make friends at local AA or NA groups, as well as local online groups. Don’t give up on making new friends or new hobbies, just because you’re having a setback at the moment.

Take time to learn from every setback and every new obstacle that you may encounter on your journey. You have the power to change your life, once you’re beaten your demons and have entered recovery.

Look around online for new forms of exercise like: CrossFit, yoga, Pilates, and martial arts to name a few. This new routine of exercising will help you avoid gaining weight once you slay your demons and become sober. Furthermore, Stress can also be managed by creating a regular release system through exercise or new hobbies.

Copyrighted 2019

Changing Your Inner Circle


By, Crystal S. Kauffman

Are you living with an addictive personality, but you are sober right now? If so, then you need to change some keys things in your life right now! Separate yourself from everyone that will help feed your addiction, as well as anyone who chooses to use drugs themselves. Chase your sobriety like you chased the high that you craved from the drugs you chose to use.

Protecting yourself and your mind from bad influences that are lurking inside your inner circle truly is the only way to manage your addictions. Family and friends can influence you in ways that any other person could not. The only way to control your addictions is to stay away from those who are actively using. Honestly, you cannot just say that their use will not affect you, because it absolutely will tempt you.

Remember that you will always live with an addictive personality and you will need to manage your sobriety just like any other chronic disease. Recovery is possible, once you become honest with yourself and others. Asking for help is so vital to becoming and maintaining a sober lifestyle. Active remove people out of your life that have chosen to feed their addiction. Don’t give up and don’t stay anywhere near active users, because you will relapse.

You know these people are no longer someone you will want to hang around. Temptation is around every corner, so be sure to keep you inner circle drug free. After cleansing your inner circle, begin adding family and friends who are supportive and will hold you accountable when you start going down the wrong path again.
Cutting active users will help you, as you begin the brutal process of healing the pain that you were trying to numb with the drugs. Don’t be afraid to get help from a psychiatrist or counselor, since mental health issues can trigger a relapse. Fight for your life and sobriety, because choosing to feed your addiction may kill you.

Start protecting yourself by cutting all contact with active drug users and surround yourself with loved ones who encourage you to stay sober. There are support groups online that you can talk with anytime of the day and night. When you are struggling to make it through the day, just remember to breathe and get through the moment of weakness. Therefore, take an honest inventory of your friends and family members before their influence can poison your mind.

Copyrighted 2019

(I am not a licensed therapist. Based on my personal experience.)

On The Road to Recovery


Ok, everything you; once loved or cared about is gone! Are you going to lay in bed and cry, while the rest of the world moves on without you? Sometimes, through our bad choices in life we become toxic to others and they decide to remove themselves from our lives to save their own sanity, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you anymore.

It just means, you need to focus on making better choices and rebuilding a lifestyle that others can accept. Start, by figuring out “WHO YOU TRULY ARE!” underneath the pain and shame, that covers your heart like a thick winter coat. You have you to peel back each layer of guilt, in order to find the frightened child that you abandoned so long ago.

Now, you will need to make two notebooks with simple section dividers and papers. Make each each notebook a different color and keep them near your sitting area, because you will be writing in them a lot. Look in your kitchen cabinet for a simple coffee cup to place a couple pens in, just in case you have a thought and you need to find a pen quickly.

Start, by setting daily goals in one notebook like: remembering to take your medicine or cleaning your house. Write stuff that can be achieved from the time that the sun rises in the morning until the sun sets in the evening. Next, you will create weekly goals, monthly goals, and yearly goals. Then, use your second notebook to begin in journaling your thoughts like in a journal or diary.

Unfortunately, you have to accept that your life has violently changed and that it will never be the same as it was. Your spouse or children may never comeback, but if you feel lonely and depressed all the time. Look into adopting a pet from a local shelter that needs you, but are you a cat or a dog person. Yes, there is a major difference, since a cat requires little care and a dog requires constant supervision.

However, you must be a responsible person to own a pet, because they are like children and do require daily care. You can go to an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or (NA) Narcotic Anonymous meetings or church, in order to find friends that will support you on your journey to recovery. Don’t discouraged if you fail, because your loved one will notice that you are at least out there trying to change.

Whatever you do, just do ii! The hardest step is the first one and each step gets easier as long as you are moving. Find out what your problem and seek treatment, while creating new friends and new places to hang out. Don’t go back to what broke you and don’t invite more drama into your life.

(c) 2019, Crystal S. Kauffman

PS: I am not a Licensed Therapist! Based on my Personal Experience.

Mental Health: The Untreatables and How to Support Us


For those of us with untreatable mental health issues one of the biggest problems we face is our friends and family meaning well and wanting to help but not really understanding. I want to give you some insight from my first hand experience with being mentally ill and chronically misunderstood.

First, just because we put makeup on and smile and push through the day does not mean that we are doing great…or even anywhere close to ok. Because of the stigma against the mentally ill population we have learned to hide behind a mask of normalcy, to show you what you want to see and hide how we really feel. We hate being told things like “if you would do some breathing exercises you would be fine” when we are panicking and can’t calm down or “it’s all in your head, you just need to get control of yourself” when depression and suicidal thoughts overwhelm us.

If we actually open up to you, it means we love you and really trust you. It means we are putting faith in you that you won’t judge us or tell us all the things that will so obviously just fix us. For many of us we have been through round after round of therapy, medication after medication and for quite a few of us…it hasn’t fixed us. All the coping skills and mindfulness exercises, all the medical trials and suggestions of well meaning “support groups”..sometimes it just doesn’t fix it.

We need you to understand that when we come to you and need to talk, that doesn’t mean we need you to fix us..just to listen and understand. We fight every day of our lives to get to a new normal. Sometimes it is nice to just feel like people care enough to try to understand what we have been through and are still going through.

Some mental illnesses are very treatable and others are nearly impossible to treat. I personally have one of those nearly untreatable illnesses, a personality disorder. Imagine doctor after doctor pumping medications into you because they gave you the wrong diagnosis..because they thought there were messed up chemicals in your brain that are fixable with medication. Yet after each medication trial you seemed to just get worse.

You ended up in the psychiatric hospital over and over and over for attempting suicide, but you couldn’t remember any of it because you had dissociated….your body was on autopilot and you weren’t in control. Then finally years later you find out that no, it’s not a disorder of the chemicals in your brain…it’s a disorder of your actual personality. That you are intrinsically flawed from some unknown childhood trauma and the only thing that can possibly help is years of intensive therapy.

How would you feel? Would you feel hopeless maybe? Or exhausted from the constant internal battle? Would you want to cry out for someone to help you because you are so lost you don’t know which way to turn?

This is the dark side of mental illness, the untreatable, the ones that medication has failed. All we ask of you is to try to understand that our outbursts of emotions are not intentional, they aren’t something we control. When we cancel our social commitment and say we just can’t handle people, just understand that it’s not that we don’t want to be around you…we feel like you don’t deserve to have to put up with us.

We want to get better. There is therapy available. It’s just not covered by insurance and is so expensive that we just can’t afford it. Can’t afford to get well….

Fight for us, for our right to treatment. For our right to not feel like abominations. Recognize those of us with personality disorders and schizophrenia and dissociative disorders and complex PTSD. Open your arms and tell us that it’s ok, that you won’t judge us and that you won’t run away from our friendship.

We want to feel as normal as possible, and to do that…we need your help.

For those of you that are like me who actually have these mental illnesses, here are some options for therapy:

Schema Therapy
Step Based Trauma Centered Therapy
Dialectal Behavioural Therapy
Talkspace Online Therapy(it’s something to get you low cost help when you can’t afford more extensive therapy)
Mindfulness Exercise Lead Journaling
Group Therapy(feel free to email me at contact.awholistichub@gmail.com and we will work on setting up online group therapy through Facebook messenger using the peer lead technique) or look up NAMI for local support groups

Devastating End to 27-Year-Old Mystery


By, Crystal S. Kauffman, Staff Writer  

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©Wetterling Family

Minnesota officials has finally learned what had happened to the 11-year-old, Jacob Wetterling, who was abducted on October 22, 1989 from St. Joseph. According to StarTribune, Jacob was riding home from a convenience store with his brother and his best friend when a masked gunman forced Jacob into his car and handcuffed him. His brother and friend were told to run or he would shoot them also. Tragically, on September 3rd, 2016, local authorities announced that they had in fact found Jacob’s remains on a farm in Paynesville, Minnesota.

Jacob Wetterling was sexually assaulted and killed on the same night he disappeared. The killer Danny Heinrich confessed to burying him and later after moving his remains to the farm where he led investigators. According to CBS Minnesota, Jacob’s mother became a national child advocate and helped create the Jacob Wetterling Act that Congress passed in 1994. This law requires anyone who is arrested and convicted of being a sexual offender must register with their state law enforcement. In addition, Jacob’s mother, Patty Wetterling, also created the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center.

In 2015, Danny Heinrich becomes a “Person of Interest” after being arrested on unrelated child pornography charges. However, he denied his involvement in Jacob’s abduction on October 22, 1989.  According CBS Minnesota, a confession from Danny Heinrich in a plea deal has given Jacob’s family the answer that they have hoped for over the last 27 years. The killer’s confession led to Jacob’s remains and he was later positively identified by DNA. He will face 20 years in prison as a results of the plea deal for the pornography charges, but he will not face justice for killing Jacob.

 

References:

CBS Minnesota (2016) Plea Deal Negotiations Led To Discovery Of Wetterling Remains

Retrieved from the World Wide Web on September 8, 2016

Plea Deal Negotiations Led To Discovery Of Wetterling Remains

CBS Minnesota (2016) Wetterling’s Abduction & Heinrich’s Confession: A Timeline Of Events

Retrieved from the World Wide Web on September 8, 2016

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2016/09/06/wetterlings-abduction-heinrichs-confession-a-timeline-of-events/

StarTribune (2016) Danny Heinrich confesses to abducting and killing Jacob Wetterling

Retrieved from the World Wide Web on September 8, 2016

http://www.startribune.com/danny-heinrich-confesses-to-abducting-and-killing-jacob-wetterling/392438361/