End of Life Communication

My Granddad!

My Granddad!

Recently, I learned that my grandfather has terminal cancer, which has invaded his body in several places. First of all, I was stunned and numbed, by the grave news and the thought of him dying. Basically, he raised me most of my life, so I am very close to him. I couldn’t cry at first, because I thought God would heal him and he wouldn’t die. As, the days go by, I have been a basket case, who is terrified to answer the telephone.

With each new call, I was afraid to hear those words, which I know are coming soon. Then, I realized that he is suffering, so I felt selfish for wanting him to live. Since, nothing has controlled the pain, no matter how much pain medicine the doctor has given him. So, I finally decided to pray for God to heal his whole body, by taking him home to heaven. Through watching his suffering and his depression, I began wondering how much longer I will have with him.

Therefore, I wrote him a letter that came directly from my heart, which was my way to say good-bye. I wanted to let him know that I adore him and that I am proud of him. By writing all my feelings down, I was able to tell him how I truly felt about him. Besides, I knew I couldn’t say it with choking up and bursting into tears. I promised him to honor him and make him proud, as I face this world without him.

Then, I realized that for the first time ever, I would have to make decisions without his wisdom and guidance. Suddenly, I finally broke down and cried for the first time, since I learned about his illness. Everything, seemed come out and before I knew it, I had a five page letter that I gave him a few days ago. Honestly, I will never forget what he said after he read my letter and to be honest; I cried and hugged him.

Now, I don’t feel as if I have left something unsaid or unforgiving in his eyes, before he goes home to God. I don’t feel numb anymore, but I am trying to spend every moment that I can with him. However, it is painful, to watch him writhe in pain. It’s even harder to watch him cry, when I haven’t seen him cry more the three times in my entire life. Saying goodbye is not the easiest thing to do, but it has helped to ease my fears of life without my Grandpa.

Thankfully, this has drawn our family closer and made us learn to cherish, each day we have left to be together. Hopefully, we can spend time making memories and without him suffering in pain. Every day, I will let him know how much I care, until that day finally comes. Then, I will know that it’s my turn to pick up his torch and keep it going. Hence, I shall always remember him as the greatest man I ever had the privilege to know and love.

©2007, Crystal S. Kauffman

Previously published in May of 2007 at Helium.com (Helium.com has been closed)

Sea Shepherd Gone to Far?


Today, my husband and I were watching Whale Wars on Animal Planet. I believe in protecting the whales and in what the conservation society does on most shows. I believe that whales should not be hunted and killed for any reason by the Japanese whaling fleet. I stand by the Sea Shepherd’s oath to protect the whales and other sea life. However, do people literally have to die and do the ships have to be so violent against the Japanese whaling fleet?

In the show, ” A Commander Rises Special” from Season 13, the Bob Barker put 47 lives in danger when Captain Peter H. decided to place his ship between two of the Japanese whaling fleet. Furthermore, the Captain Luis and crew on the Sam Simon were trying to stop the Japanese tanker from reaching the other ships in the Japanese fleet to refuel. The Sam Simon adverted an environmental disaster with the Japanese tanker ship, by backing off.

Unfortunately, Paul Watson acted as if the captain and crew were cowards, because they didn’t do more to stop the refueling. He said they should be willing die to stop the whaling, but is that going to far? You tell me….

Bella- The Furbaby I Fostered This Year-2014


This is Bella Muller and she is about eight years old. She is a talker and my best friend for about a year. We kept her for a friend, due to them moving and needing a place for Bella to stay. She was a big part of me life this past year and I miss her a lot. I enjoyed my time spent with her. May she always have home to call home. I love you Bella and you will always have my heart! I will always remember the fun we had together. Monkey misses his surrogate mom and Gizmo misses his adopted sister.

Foster an Animal in 2015!

Let’s work on give every animal a home. Feeding the feral animals.

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Eyes Like Me

My twin brother and I after learning I had cervical cancer in 2002. He would not let me cry!

My twin brother and I after learning I had cervical cancer in 2002. He would not let me cry!

Staring at an image of your face,
My brother was born in first place.
Looking at the image of me,
It is my twin brother I see.

Eyes with the same shape as mine,
My brother is the only link to a time.
Mistakes we both have made,
Built up hate and anger replaces the pain.

A bond broken many years ago,
Now, it is hard to let our love show.
Getting past the way we feel,
Is this the only way our bond can heal?

Help me try to turn the page,
Let us start acting our age.
Adults with responsibilities of our own,
I need my friend, I lost for so long!

©Crystal S. Kauffman, 2001

If I Could Change the World

I would start by spreading seeds of kindness to all nations and change the heart of every adult or child. Only, then can a reaction began to take effect and they will inspired to spread their seeds of kindness. I’d start by spreading seeds of kindness around my own city and neighborhood. Then, I would try to visit every state and nation trying to inspire others by my actions. Once, I find the best ways to impact somebody with an act of kindness.

In return, they will also want to spreads seeds of kindness to those they love and know. Change will begin, as the heart of every man and nation has been affected by the kindness of others. The reaction will spread across every ocean and reach those with the coldest hearts. By spreading the seeds of kindness, I can stop the violence and sorrow. Therefore, laughter and love will run rampant in the heart of every man, woman, and child.

No one would cry, as the love and welfare of others will rule their heart and mind. Never will hunger kill another living person, because there would be enough to eat. All children will experience unconditional love, instead of hate and anger. There would be no more terrorists left, due to their hearts and minds, being filled with unconditional kindness. Therefore, the world can change, if one person is able to start a chain reaction of love.

No doubt about it, I would help others to feel good about exactly, who they are inside their heart. So, they will help others that they meet on their journey and teach them to replace hate with kindness and love. Everyone would be happy and only cry tears of joy, for kindness can deliver us from evil and harm. Even the cold-hearted humans, will be affected the chain reaction, which has been started by a person that actually cares.

Seeds of kindness can be planted deep in the hearts of those that I meet each day. No matter where I go or who I see, I can start a reaction that will continue to grow. Suddenly, the kindness can be seen in the people that we meet each day. I can watch the seeds, as they spread all over the world and touch every heart. Therefore, one person can plant a seed that sets off a chain reaction, which can reach the unreachable….if I wasn’t afraid!

So, I will spend my life trying to spread seeds of kindness to those I met. However, I hope my actions can make a difference in this world of mine. As I walk daily with many, whom I will influence with my own plan to care. Hopefully, I can reach their heart and start a chain reaction that flows all around the world.

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 7)


Today, Dolly brought home new stuff from the neighbors like: cabinets, trinkets, and lots of Christmas stuff. Mandy washed the laundry and straightened up her half of the house, as she always does during the day. The kitchen was piled with boxes and Dolly’s room was piled up with boxes too, but Mandy tried to just ignore the boxes and do what she could to straighten up the main areas of the house. However, she couldn’t put dishes away that Dolly had washed, because all the boxes were in the way.


That night, Mandy and her husband Kyle stayed up to watch over Dolly, because she was twitching and jerking involuntarily. Mandy knew immediately, something was wrong, but she had an appointment with her doctor that morning. So, Mandy and her husband tried to keep her mother in her motorized wheelchair all morning long. Suddenly, she began displaying signs of an infection or an accidental pain medicine overdose which freaked Mandy out.


Mandy called the ambulance that usually transports her mother to the hospital and she explained what she had witnessed. The ambulance drivers decided to test for a possible drug overdose and after sticking her mother Dolly with an IV and administering a narcotic reversal agent. Dolly became alert and the ambulance drivers stated that she had accidentally taken too much pain medicine. She was transported to the nearest hospital and the doctors there discovered that she also had a urinary tract infection.


During the time that Dolly was at the hospital, a lady showed up, who was with Adult Protective Services and she requested that Mandy and her husband Kyle began cleaning out the kitchen. She also advised us that Dolly needed to clean her own room, once she was able to home from the hospital. Basically, Mandy’s husband Kyle had to get rid of the garbage and the rest was put in the storage room. Mandy could only help with the small stuff, due to her own disability from her cancer treatment 11 years ago.


Mandy decided to call her mother’s doctor and report that she was in the emergency room, plus Mandy decided to tell her this is the third accidental overdose. Dolly’s doctor was unaware of the facts, but stated she would handle it from here by lowering her dose. Additionally, she asked Mandy if she would manage her medications, once she got out of the hospital. Mandy hesitated and then she agreed to manage her medicines for her.


Since, the day Dolly came home, she has been less argumentative with Mandy and Kyle, which is an answered prayer. She is slowly cleaning at her room and that is frustrating, because it has to be done or Mandy and Kyle will have to clean it up as well. Mandy created a notebook or logbook where she writes down and accounts for every medication that she gives her mother. She also has been trying to give her mother freedom, yet prays she will see how her mistakes affect other people like: Mandy and Kyle.



(©2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

A Family’s Struggle with Hoarding (Chapter 5)



“Here do you want this?” Dolly snidely asked.


“What is it?” Mandy answered inquisitively.


Mandy instantly knew that her mother was in a bad mood today, but she was surprised when she saw the little black box she was holding. She took the little black box that her mother had given her and she took it with her to the kitchen. She slowly opened the box and was immediately stunned when she seen the beautiful necklace.


Mandy was puzzled by this gesture of kindness, despite her ill mood she was displaying at the time that Dolly gave her the gift.  She pulled the necklace out of the black box and put it on in front of the bathroom mirror. Mandy loved the necklace but, she wasn’t sure why her mother was in such an ill mood. Mandy headed back to her room, while wading her way around Dolly endless boxes of clothing and miscellaneous papers.


As Mandy walked by she said. “Thank you!”


“You’re welcome” Dolly grumpily stated.


About thirty minutes later, Mandy came out of her room, in order to help her mother go through more boxes. However, Dolly’s had changed drastically and she was very angry, but Mandy couldn’t figure out why she was so mad. Mandy try to ignore her attitude and continue working on getting her clothes separated.

Suddenly, Dolly starts screaming at Mandy to leave her stuff alone, so Mandy decided to go to her room and watch a movie.


Mandy was feeling cold, but she has no warm shirts and she asked her mom if she could use one of her winter shirts. Dolly got angry and began ranting and raving about how Mandy needed to get her own clothes. However, Mandy got upset because she had lots of her own clothes when she moved in with her mother. Four year now, she has begged Dolly to go through her clothes and see if any of Mandy’s clothes are packed up with her clothes.


Unfortunately, Dolly refuses to go to her clothes and swears that none of Mandy’s clothes has gotten mixed up with her. Mandy’s mom has two closets full of clothes, as well as many boxes and baskets that are filled with clothing. Some of these clothes have not been touched in years, because they don’t fit her anymore. Currently, she is trying to get another closet built, in order to hold more of her clothes that she doesn’t want to get rid of.


Mandy believes that her mother should go through her clothes and keep what fits her, while letting the other clothes go to the local Goodwill. HoweverDolly will not part with her clothes and she doesn’t really like sharing them with Mandy either. Right now, Mandy feels overwhelmed by the amount of boxes that are cluttering up her mother’s room and the kitchen. She prays that her mother will seek help for her problem with hoarding and with her depression.


(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)